Yesterday I was getting ready to pick up my daughter, when I received terrifying news from her school: two of her schoolmates — a 1st and 5th-grader suffered a brutal act of domestic violence, losing their mother. Imagine for a second, being an innocent child who has a ´normal´ family life to all of a sudden find yourself in a reality of a perished mother and an imprisoned father…and the weight to carry with you for the rest of your life..
As tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably, I attempted to process my deep emotional outrage, struggling to make sense of it all.
For someone who’s been on a deep healing journey, my reality has been in dealing with the wounded female at an ancestral level… re-membering the women in my lineage who were tortured, raped, and killed in genocidal Armenia.. But this incident happened right here, right now, with kids that are part of my daughter’s circle. HOW? WHY are we still reenacting the traumas that we should have left behind a long time ago…
As if to distract myself, I did some research to find out that this is actually quit ´normal´, and that every 5–6 hours a woman loses her life to domestic violence in the US. This tragedy is part of our collective reality. Strangely, immediately I created a distance between my emotions and domestic violence. As if it was now at a safe distance. There I was trying to convince myself, that I shouldn’t worry too much given this happens so often.
Unfortunately, when we do that, we become accomplices of it all. By not actively standing up against this reality, we perpetuate it. By accepting it as normal, we allow for it to happen again and again.
But how could we stand up against it? While, there are many social and policy measures, at individual level, ALL of us without exception carry the deep wound of female victimhood and male aggression, men AND women, inside of us. And it’s time we look in and see where WE are being and reenacting the roles of the victim and aggressor over and over again. Where are WE not allowing ourselves to be free, to express our true voice, to be open and vulnerable. Where are WE controlling too much, not allowing ourselves and others the freedom to be. From the lack of self-respect, not learning to say NO, not setting boundaries, to aggravating fights, the impatience, inability to listen, we allow in the shadows of the wounded male and wounded female into this reality . ‘She deserved it.’ ‘He wont take a no for an answer.’ We put the other in charge of how we feel AND act. We become reactive of a pattern that perpetuates a reality we currently see. We simply carry on the trauma at the collective level eternally.
Soon after, I remembered the kids and the terror became all too real again.
Then I took a deep breath and looked inside. I started looking at my own inner demons, the aggression I contribute to, the victimhood I use an excuse.. Only being really open and true to our own inner world, can we start to shift the collective female body towards freedom and self-expression, and the male body to embrace the emotional intelligence and empathy it currently lacks. It’s time we stop being victims of the ´other’ and assume responsibility for everything that’s happening in this reality. It’s not them. THEY are the reflection of US.b